The Mindful Authenticity Journey: When the Urge to Buy Strikes
Dealing with the urge to accumulate when you’re feeling insecure
We’ve all been there. You’re having a rough day, feeling uncertain about yourself, and suddenly that new lip gloss at the store looks like the answer to everything. Or maybe you’re scrolling through social media, seeing everyone else’s perfect routines, and think, “If I just had that serum, I’d finally have my life together.”
Today, we’re diving into one of the most challenging aspects of practicing the Chapstick Theory™: staying grounded when emotions run high and the urge to accumulate feels overwhelming.
The Truth About Emotional Shopping
Here’s what I’ve learned through my own journey: the urge to buy something new when we’re feeling insecure isn’t really about the product. It’s about seeking external validation for internal feelings. We’re trying to fill an emotional need with a physical object.
This isn’t about judging yourself for these feelings—they’re completely human and understandable. It’s about recognizing the pattern and having gentle tools to work with it.
Recognizing Your Accumulation Triggers
The first step in working with the urge to accumulate is understanding what triggers it for you. Common emotional triggers include:
Comparison: Seeing others with products you don’t have—especially on social media where everything looks perfect (remember, most of what you see online is carefully curated, not real life!)
Stress: Feeling overwhelmed and seeking comfort
Uncertainty: Major life changes or decisions ahead
Loneliness: Wanting to feel connected or cared for
Boredom: Seeking excitement or novelty
Self-doubt: Feeling like you’re not “enough” as you are
A reality check about social media: Those perfectly arranged product flatlays and flawless morning routines you see online? Most of them aren’t real daily life. People share their best moments, their new purchases, their most flattering angles. You are comparing your real, authentic life to someone else’s highlight reel. You are real—your feelings, your struggles, your beauty are all genuine. That curated perfection isn’t.
Practice: Next time you feel the urge to buy something, pause and ask yourself: “What am I really feeling right now?” This isn’t about stopping yourself from buying—it’s about creating awareness.
The Pause Practice
When the urge to accumulate strikes, try this simple practice:
Step 1: The Three-Breath Reset
Take three conscious breaths. Count them: one… two… three. This creates space between the feeling and the action.
Step 2: The Honest Check-In
Ask yourself:
“What am I actually feeling right now?”
“What do I really need in this moment?”
“Will this purchase address my actual need?”
Step 3: The Grounding Touch
Touch something you already own that brings you comfort. Maybe it’s that chapstick in your pocket, a piece of jewelry, or even just placing your hand on your heart. Remind yourself: “I already have what I need.”
Working with Different Types of Urges
The “Quick Fix” Urge
This is when you want to buy something small to make yourself feel better instantly.
Instead, try: Use something you already have in a new way. Apply your current lip gloss with extra intention, or use that neglected nail polish you forgot about. Give yourself the same nurturing energy you were seeking through shopping.
The “New Identity” Urge
This happens when you see someone whose style you admire and think buying similar products will make you feel like them.
Instead, try: Appreciate what you admire about that person, then look for those same qualities within yourself. Often what we’re drawn to in others already exists in us—we just need to acknowledge it.
The “I Deserve This” Urge
Sometimes accumulation feels like self-care or treating yourself after a hard time. And here’s the thing—you absolutely DO deserve good things! Treating yourself is important and valid.
The key question is: Are you treating yourself, or are you trying to fill an emotional void? True self-care often looks like using what you already have with love and attention, or meeting your actual needs (rest, connection, comfort) directly.
Instead, try: Ask yourself, “How else can I show myself that I deserve good things?” Maybe it’s using that special product you’ve been saving, taking a longer shower, speaking to yourself more kindly, or yes—sometimes buying something you genuinely want and will use. The difference is in the intention and awareness.
The “FOMO” Urge
Fear of missing out on limited editions, sales, or trends.
Instead, try: Remind yourself that there will always be new products, new sales, new trends. What you have right now is enough to care for yourself beautifully.
The Sacred Substitute Practice
When the urge to buy feels overwhelming, try this ritual instead:
Choose one product you already own that you haven’t used in a while
Create a special moment around using it—light a candle, play music you love, take your time
As you apply it, say: “I honor what I already have, and I honor who I already am”
Notice how it feels to give attention to something you already possess
This practice redirects the energy you would have spent shopping into appreciating what you already have.
Reframing the Narrative
Instead of seeing your urge to accumulate as a problem to fix, try seeing it as information about what you’re really seeking. Here are some reframes that have helped me:
“I need something new” becomes “I need to see myself with fresh eyes”
“This will make me feel better”becomes “I want to feel cared for”
“Everyone has this but me” becomes “I want to feel connected and included”
“I deserve this” becomes “I deserve to feel valued”
Once you identify the real need, you can address it more directly and authentically.
Building Your Support System
Having strategies in place before the urge strikes makes all the difference:
Create an “Instead List”
Write down 5-10 things you can do instead of shopping when you’re feeling the urge to accumulate:
Take a bath with products you already have
Reorganize your current products with love and attention
Call a friend who makes you feel valued
Write down three things you appreciate about yourself
Use that “special occasion” product today
The Buddy System
Share your Finish First practice with a trusted friend. When you feel the urge to buy, text them instead. Sometimes just saying “I’m feeling the urge to shop because I’m stressed” helps the feeling pass.
The 24-Hour Rule
If you still want something after practicing these tools, wait 24 hours before buying. Often, the emotional charge will have passed, and you can make a clearer decision.
When You Do Buy Something
Here’s the thing: you’re human. Sometimes you’ll buy something even when you’re practicing the Chapstick Theory™. This doesn’t mean you’ve failed or broken your commitment to yourself.
The goal isn’t to never buy anything again—it’s to make conscious choices about when, why, and what you purchase. Sometimes you genuinely need something new. Sometimes you want to treat yourself, and that’s perfectly valid. The practice is in the awareness and intention behind the choice.
If you do buy something:
Notice without judgment: “I bought something when I was feeling insecure”
Get curious: “What was I really seeking?”
Learn: “How can I meet that need differently next time?”
Recommit gently: “I can still practice finishing first going forward”
Remember, this journey is about progress, not perfection.
The Deeper Practice
The most profound aspect of working with accumulation urges is recognizing that what we’re really seeking is self-acceptance. Every time we choose to pause, to appreciate what we have, to meet our emotional needs directly, we’re practicing the radical act of believing we’re enough exactly as we are.
The Chapstick Theory™ isn’t about deprivation—it’s about recognizing that finishing first can be an act of self-love. When we commit to using what we have before seeking something new, we’re telling ourselves that we’re worthy of attention and care right now, not just when we have the “perfect” products.
This doesn’t happen overnight. It’s a practice built one moment, one choice, one breath at a time.
Your Practice This Week
Choose one strategy from this post that resonates with you. Maybe it’s the Three-Breath Reset, or creating your “Instead List,” or simply noticing your triggers without judgment.
Practice it for one week. Don’t try to be perfect—just try to be aware.
Remember: The urge to accumulate isn’t a character flaw—it’s a human response to emotional needs. The practice is in learning to meet those needs with the love and acceptance you already deserve.
You are enough, exactly as you are, with exactly what you have, in this exact moment. Everything else is just extra.
